The Big Candy-Striped Lightly Thing (OBX, North Carolina)

Zoey recently visited the Outer Banks of North Carolina and stopped at some of the famous striped lighthouses. Upon sighting the first one she pulled her leash from Sam’s hand and ran toward it at full speed.

Sam (calling loudly): ”ZO-O-O-O-EY! ZOEY! Come back here.” Zoey ignored Sam’s repeated calls. Eventually she caught up with Zoey, who was standing next to the lighthouse and looking a bit dejected.

Sam (out of breath): Zoey, what’s up with you? Why didn’t you come when I called? Didn’t you hear me?”

Zoey: “Well, um, I ah-h-h-h guess maybe I did. I forget. You know I get a bit crazy when there’s food around.”

Sam: “What food?”

Zoey: “Well, that big sugar candy cane stick.”

Sam: “That’s not a candy cane, Zoey, that’s a light house.”

Zoey: “I KNEW it! I KNEW there was something wrong. I thought it was candy. That’s why I was running . I wanted to get there before Ellee did. She would have eaten the whole thing if she’d gotten there first. You know how she is. But I got here first; I ran as fast as I could. And now that I’m here, I find out it’s NOT candy. It’s not something to eat. ”

Sam: “No, it’s not something to eat, Zoey, but a lighthouse is still pretty interesting.”

Zoey: “I’m listening.”

Sam: “Well, first of all, it’s got a big, powerful light on top that sweeps around and around.”

Zoey: “Can dogs go inside!?”

Sam: “A-h-h-h-h, probably not.”

Zoey: ”Is there anything to eat INSIDE the lighthouse?”

Sam: “Hmm. I don’t think so.”

Zoey: “So what’s the ‘interesting’ part?”

Sam: “Well, lighthouses are . . .”

Zoey: “Wait, wait, I’ve got it!” Can I use the light from the candy cane house to find stuff to eat outside at NIGHT!!?”

Sam: “ I don’t think YOU need a light to do that, Zoey. Your pretty good at finding crap, I mean, ‘outdoor delicacies’ to eat, night or day.”

Zoey: “ So, I can’t eat it, I can’t go inside it, and I can’t use it to help me find food.
B-o-o-o-r-i-i-i-i-ng.

Sam: “Well, there IS something we can do with it. I can take a picture of you in front of it!”

Zoey: “O-o-o-o-o. Now there’s a novel idea. Another picture of me in front of some big THING. Better not give up your day job.”

Sam: “Zoey, my day job is photographing dogs.”

Zoey: “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

Zoey does her Tax return (somewhere in the American South)

Zoey is sitting at the kitchen table in the RV, her tax form spread out in front of her.

Zoey: (Whistling “Dixie”) “Oh I wish I were in the Land o’ Cotton, Old times there are not forgotten, Look away, look away. look away, Dixie land . . .”
Sam: “You’re sounding chipper, Zoey. Are your taxes almost done?
Zoey: “I’ve got my name filled in!”
Sam: “Well, that’s a start, but you’d better pick up the pace a bit; taxes returns are due in a few days.”
Zoey: “Do I have a middle initial?”
Sam: “No middle initial.”
Zoey: “Ooh, ooh, do I have an address?”
Sam: “Yes, it’s . . .”
Zoey: “Wait, wait, don’t tell me. I know, it’s ‘Big white RV.’ “
Sam: “Ah, I don’t think that’s enough information for the IRS, Zoey.”
Zoey: “ Why? Is the IRS going to come to my house? Are they going to take away my dogbones? Why do they want my dogbones? Why do they, give a hoot about me? I’m just a dog; why do I have to do a tax return, anyway? I’m just a DOG, I’m just A DOG, I’M JUST A D. . .”
Sam: (patting Zoey’s head) “ZOEY! Calm down, girl. Nobody’s coming to your house. No one’s going to take away your dogbones.
Zoey: (whimpering) “Why ME? Why do I have to make a tax return?”
Sam: “Zoey, listen, listen to me girl and I’ll explain. Did you work last year?
Zoey: “Yeah, I took care of Ellee, I guarded the RV, I rode shotgun in the Truck, I licked the floor clean in the kitchen, and, and, under the table . . .”
Sam: “Zoey, the IRS doesn’t care about those things. They only care about income you generate, money you are paid. Like the money you made for modeling. The IRS wants some of that money.”
Zoey: “MY MONEY?? They want MY MONEY?”
Sam: “Yup.”
Zoey: What about you? Did you make money last year?”
Sam: “Yes, I did.”
Zoey: “Who made more, you or me?”
Sam: “Wellllllll . . . you did.”
Zoey: (smiling) “Go get me some cookies.”

Dogs take to the streets, for a Dog Parade and a Dog-gone good cause. (New Orleans, LA)

Whenever my “Sam” human starts rummaging around in the doggie accessories boxes, I know I’m in for a dress up session. Usually it’s because she has an idea for a silly greeting card, or another photo for our book. Well, in this case I was half right. I was indeed going to get dressed up, but not for a photo session. This was for a parade, and Ellee and I were to be IN the parade.
Sam: Zoey, do you know why we’re dressing up and marching in this parade?
Zoey: Ah-h-h, nope no idea. But dressing up is good! I like dressing up.
Sam: And why is that, Zoey?
Zoey: “Cause I get cookies. Lots of cookies. And carrots. I l-o-o-o-ve carrots. They’re cold and crunchy, and, ooh, ooh, squeaky toys. I get to chew the squeaky toys. But most of all I like the cookie treats. I’m a lab, you know, so eating is my thing. I could just eat and eat and eat and . . .
Sam: Ah-h-h, Zoey ?
Zoey: . . . and eat and eat and eat until I . . .
Sam: Zoey, ZOEY! STOP all right all ready! This isn’t like a photo shoot. There will be no carrots! There will be no squeaky toys. There will be no cookies! Just a nice long walk for a good cause.
Zoey: No carrots?
Sam: No carrots.
Zoey: No cookies???
Sam: No cookies.
Zoey: No way! I’m not doing it without cookies.
Sam: Yes, you are.
Zoey: No, I’m not.
Sam: Yes, you ARE.
Zoey: No, I’m NOT You can’t MAKE me!
Sam: Yes, I can.
Zoey, No, you CAN’T.
Sam: OK, no parade, no dinner.
Zoey: (pause) What should I wear?

The Parade was the 16th annual e Mystic Krewe of Barkus Parade. “The only Mardi Gras krewe in New Orleans by and for the canine population . . . proceeds benefit homeless animals through donations to animal welfare organizations”

Zoey and Ellee coughed up $100 from their cookie jar to march in the parade. Zoey did ultimately dress up, but she refused to let Sam take her photo once she found out that the parade goers had brought plenty of dog treats for the dogs in the parade. In fact, they were showered with treats as they walked the parade route. So much for “no cookies”

Zoey’s close encounter in Rosewell, MN

Let me tell you what happened in New Mexico! My humans left me to guard the trailer while they went out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant in a place called Rosewell. Usually they don’t worry much about intruders, but THIS particular night they made sure someone was going to be on watch. I volunteered. I’m the best choice for the job. I bark at every little sound I hear. Nothing gets by ME!! Foot steps near the trailer . . . bark, bark, bark. Raindrops on the roof . . . bark, bark, bark. Doorbell on the TV . . . well how am I supposed to know someone isn’t at OUR door? Bark, bark, bark . . . bark!
Sam: Because we don’t have a doorbell on the RV, Zoey.

Zoey: Well, someone could be installing one without you knowing it.

Sam: Unlikely, but I give you high marks for being so diligent and alert. That’s why I needed you to be on watch that night in Rosewell. Strange things have happened there in the past. Go ahead and tell everyone what you saw that night, Zoey.

Zoey: Well, like you said, I was on watch. It was pretty quiet and Ellee was snoring away on our dogbed. I pretended to be asleep, but I kept one eye on the door. Suddenly there was a loud whirring sound outside and a strange bright light was shining through the window. I was drawn to the light, and at first I couldn’t bark. As if in a trance I pushed open the door and trotted outside into a pool of bright light coming from above the trailer. Looking up, I saw this spinning disk of colored lights hovering over the trailer. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

Sam: What happened next???!

Zoey: The disk seemed to be glowing from the inside, and the lights were spinning very fast and getting faster. The hair on the back of my neck stood straight up and I felt a tugging on my body. I felt like I was going to float right up to the disk.

Sam: Weren’t you scared? What did you do?

Zoey: I opened my mouth and tried to bark. At first my voice was just a squeak. But I kept trying and pretty soon I started to bark and bark and bark and bark. Pretty soon I couldn’t hear myself bark any more, but I just kept barking.

Sam: How did you get away?

Zoey: I think my barking scared the disk away. I just kept barking and suddenly the disk just started to shrink until it was no bigger than a fuzzy yellow tennis ball. Then it shot across the sky and disappeared.

Sam: Wow, that’s so cool, Zoey! You had an actual alien encounter!!!

Zoey: Yeah, I guess so. But no one seems to believe me except you. Why don’t humans take what we dogs tell them to be the truth?

Sam: I don’t know, Zoey. I guess maybe we humans are afraid to find out that dogs are actually smarter than we are.

Zoey: We ARE smarter. We can bark. And that makes all the difference.

Sam: AND you communicate with other dogs simply by sniffing butt.

Zoey: Well, there is that, too.

Bright Lights, Big City . . . Vegas, baby

Ellee’s usually the shy one, but in Vegas, she was so-o-o-o-o brave! All those bright lights and honking horns kinda scared me, but Ellee protected me. She let me hide under her chinny chin chin.

This isn’t at all how I pictured the desert! What happened here??? All these people, all these strange buildings, and blinking lights. Why do people come here anyway?

Sam: They come for the gambling, Zoey.

Zoey: Er-r-r-r, what’s that?

Sam: Mostly it’s people loosing a lot of money.

Zoey: Warren Buffet says the first rule is to never loose money.

Sam: You’ve heard of Warren Buffet???

Zoey: Of course I have. He’s only the most famous investor of all time.

Sam: How do YOU know THAT??!!

Zoey: I may be just a dog, but I’m not stoopid. So what say we get outta Dodge before we loose our shirts?

Sam: I’m with you, Zoey. Lead the way.

Waiting for My Star (Hollywood, CA)

Sorry you haven’t heard from me in a while. I’ve been busy with Christmas and the Texas relatives. Ellee and I have been romping in the back yard with our canine cousins, Lady Bird and Minnie. At first I had to growl a lot at Minnie because I had to show her that I’m no pushover. (Actually, I did get pushed over by another dog once or twice when I was a young pup, but not anymore. Not unless I run into a super double max alpha dog with a bad attitude. Then I surrender. I know a lost cause when I see one.
Anyway here’s a story from a few weeks ago when the humans decided to go to the magical, plastical land called Hollywood.

Waiting for MY star (Hollywood, CA)

So here I am in Hollywood. Ellee, too, of course, she follows me everywhere. The humans wanted to see a place called “The walk of fame”. There are peoples’ names stuck right on the sidewalk with a big star by each name. But there’s no address, no phone number and no or email address. So what’s the point?
Sam: “Well, Zoey, when you achieve a certain amount of fame in Hollywood, you get recognized with a star and your name on the sidewalk.”
Zoey: “No address or phone number?”
Sam: “Nope.”
Zoey: “No EMAIL address?”
Sam: “No email address.”
Zoey: “But, how . . .”
Sam: “It’s a privacy thing, Zoey. These people don’t want you to call or write to them. Besides, some of them have passed away.”
Zoey: “You mean ‘dead’?”
Sam: “As a doornail.”
Zoey: I can’t wait ‘til I get my star, but I’m not gonna die to do it.”
Sam: “Hopefully you’ll get your star before you die, Zoey.”
Zoey: “I’m not gonna die.”
Sam: “Everybody dies, Zoey.”
Zoey: Covering her ears with her paws. “Blah, blah, blah, blah, I don’t want to hear this. Blah, blah, blah.”
Sam: Well I suggest you stop waiting for your star and get busy getting famous so that when you DO pass away you’ll be famous and dead instead of just dead.”

Doin’ the Ansel Adams thing (Yosemite National Park)

After the big red bridge we headed to Yosemite, number three on the humans’ national park wish list. Sam says she wants to see this place because there is a big rock there that some famous photographer took lots of pictures of.
Sam: “It’s called ‘Half Dome’, Zoey.”
Zoey: “You mean, it’s only a half of a rock?”
Sam: “Well, sort of. Some of it broke off a long, long time ago.”
Zoey: “Can we see the other half?
Sam: “Which half, the part that’s still there or the part that’s gone?”
Zoey: “The part that’s gone.”
Sam: “I don’t think so.”
Zoey: “Why not?”
Sam: “Because it’s . . . gone.”
Zoey: “Hmm . . . So how did this photographer take pictures of a rock that wasn’t there?”
Sam: “He didn’t. He took pictures of the half that was there.”
Zoey: “Why would a human want to take so many pictures of some dumb old rock, especially a broken one?”
Sam: “I don’t know, Zoey. Perhaps he thought it was beautiful. You’d have to ask Ansel Adams himself .”
Zoey: “So can I ask him?”
Sam: “ Nope, he’s dead.”
Zoey: “Dead as in ‘gone’?”
Sam: “Right.”
Zoey: “Gone like the rock?”
Sam: “Ahh, yeah, sort of.”
Zoey: “Hmmm . . .”

This is me wearing Sam’s down vest and trying to imagine Half Dome

the way Ansel Adams saw it.

That Big Red Bridge (San Francisco, CA)

Good golly, Miss Molly, it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. My “Sam” human and the crew have been very busy, though. We’re just leaving Las Vegas today, but I’m getting ahead of myself. In Oregon along the right side of the left ocean  (I know, we’ve already been thru this east-west thing before), we saw huge piles of sand that went on forever (Sam called them sand “dunes”). I dug and dug and dug but couldn’t get to the bottom. Then I ran around in big circles as fast as I could like a crazy dog, sand flying everywhere. After wards I had sand in my coat and my ears and my nose and mouth and a few other places Sam doesn’t want me to mention.
Then we went south to a place with a very long name with very tall trees.
Sam:  “California, Zoey, and the trees were redwoods. They’re some of the tallest and oldest trees on the planet.”
Zoey: “What’s a planet?”
Sam: It’s where we live, a big, big ball of  …”
Zoey: “A BALL! We live on a BALL??!”
Sam: (big sigh) Nevermind, Zoey, just finish the story.
Zoey: “Can I chase the ball?!!”
Sam: “Zoooh-weeee . . . “
Zoey, “But . . .:
Sam: “Later.”
Zoey: (big sigh)  “Oooh-kaaaay.”

I’ve really never understood the concept of “later”. Frankly, I’m not even sure what a “concept” is either. Humans always make things more complicated than they need to be.

So after the big BIG trees, we went to the place with the bridge.

This is a picture of me with  the bridge in the background.  It’s called the “Golden Gate Bridge”, but it’s not really gold, it’s red. I think maybe it’s rusting. That’s probably not good.

Humans like to drive across bridges and they like to drive back. What they do when they’re on the other side is somewhat of a mystery. They only thing that makes any sense to me is that there must be different things to see on the other side, like hills.

San Francisco is a very hilly place. Many of the houses are built on hills so steep that if you drop your yellow fuzzy ball in your front yard, it will roll all the way down the hill and into the ocean before you can catch up with it. This might be fun the first 20 or 30 times you do it, but then I think I’d just let Ellie do the chasing. She’ll chase the ball for EVER. Ellie’s not the smartest dog in the . . .
Sam: “ZOEY!  Be nice.”
Zoey: (big sigh)  “Oooh-kaaaay.”

Oh Happy Day! (Oregon Coast)

Finally, we made it to the other side of the country, and am I happy! There’s an ocean here, too, and I am a water dog, after all. Ellee and I got to go for a nice cold swim in a river that runs into the ocean. Sam liked it that we swam because she said we were very stinky after the long trip in the truck. Has she FORGOTTEN that we’ve had two baths in the past two months! I think it’s the truck that stinks, not Ellee and me. The truck smells like wet humans. Besides, Ellee and I haven’t rolled on anything stinky in days. Ellee’s eaten quite a few mouthfuls of poop, but I promised not to tell because I like an occasional poop snack myself. I’ve taken an especial liking to deer poops. They look a lot like something my humans like to snack on called “M&M’s”, but the ones I find are free and I’m not sharing them.
One thing I can tell you about being on the other side of the ocean is that it messes with my finally-honed sense of direction. When we started our trip the ocean was on the right, which is the left side of the ocean, and now we’re on the left coast, which is the right side of the ocean. Every time I think we’re headed west (or left), we’re actually headed east (or right). I find myself turning and turning in circles and then lying down. Sam says not to worry, that’s what dogs are supposed to do.

Zoey digs dinos (Bozeman, MT)

We canines like to dig. Sometimes it’s to find something, sometimes to bury a bone for later, and sometimes just to dig because it’s fun. Humans like to dig too. They like to dig up old bones, just like I do.

The humans that dug up this strange animal called it “T-Rex”. “T” for “Tastey”. I think when we get back to Rover I’ll go dig up my own T-Rex and have a little snack before dinner.